Category Archives: rants

Blinkers On

Before I was married I was quite unaware of South Indian fast foods. Actually considering most (all?) of my blog readers are Pakistani I think you’ll are more unaware than I ever was!! Hell TFL was so shocked when she came over once when I was making Dosa’s that I thought she was pulling my leg!! I mean how can you NOT know Dosa’s??? Thankfully she was impressed and has been to some restaurants since.

Coming back, well since being married I have been introduced to many dishes I didn’t know of before considering R is South Indian (from Mangalore) and he can live on purely Desi food and nothing else forever. So thanks to him I discovered a whole new meaning to South Indian fast food and have become quite a regular at a restaurant called Sarvana Bhavan. It’s a noisy dhaba like restaurant but the food is AMAZING. I used to go there once a week (that was when I got addicted) but now I go only once in a while.

So yesterday I was meeting a friend from school to catch up since I was in the area and we decided to go to SB since he’s Vegan and that really limits me and we both love SB. I was lucky enough to get a parking spot right in front of the restaurant and we had a really nice time.

But that’s not what this post is about. After we’re done we come out and I see someone has blocked my car by double parking at the curb. I waited for 5 minutes then honked and honked, tried to see if his car was open but it wasn’t (he has locked it and gone off!!!), I also went inside the restaurant to see if they knew whose care it was…maybe he was placing an order or something (because there was no where else he could have gone parking the way he was parked!!!). After 15 minutes of this drama I’m dead with the humidity and my friend suggests I try to get my car out from the little place by driving up the pavement a bit. It wasn’t impossible considering how little my car is but the guy who had blocked me was parked so close that the impact of going up the curb would probably bounce me into his car!

Anyways I was crazy pissed and didn’t know what else to do so I some how tried to help myself. So I’ve rolled down my windows and am struggling with the help of my friend when the lunatic guy who has blocked comes out chewing his food and says “Wait Wait I will help by moving my car a little!”

I WAS SO FURIOUS!!! The way he said it was like he was doing me a fucking favor! Can you BELIEVE he was EATING INISDE THE RESTAURANT WHILE DOUBLE PARKED?!?!??!?

I yelled at him and asked him if he had any sense and how the crap can he block someone, double park and sit and have a meal!!??? To which he stops, glares and me and says to me “I know. Don’t teach me.”

WHAT.THE.FUCK?!?!?!?!

I was SO angry I wanted to ram my car into his. Seriously. I was SO MAD. And being as mad as I was I decided to not remove my car coz I didn’t want him to park in my spot. So I just sat in the car.

And what does HE do? He backs up to clear the way for me, double parks AGAIN, turns off his car and goes back to his meal!!!!! And guess where he was sitting ALL THE FUCKING WHILE I WAS HONKING FOR ATTENTION?!?!?! He was the ass hole sitting in the window with his family and his fat daughter was WATCHING ME THE ENTIRE TIME and it STILL took him 15 minutes to come move his fucking stupid Nissan.

Can you believe that?!?! An entire adult family of 4 is sitting and having a meal while they have double parked their car leaving the blinkers on (as if that’s some sort of fucking consolation!). they sitting is FULL visibility of their car AND the car they have blocked, have been watching me the entire time and have STILL sat there on their FAT useless asses and just continued on with their meal!!!!

I SO WANTED TO SCTRACH HIS CAR. If it wasn’t for N who was with me I would have. N thought the guy was only placing his order and I was over reacting but when he saw him go in and back to his table that was in full view of us he was too shocked to believe it.

I’ve taken down his number plate and if I EVER see him anywhere I WILL STRACH THE ASSHOLE’S UGLY CAR.

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Khooni Billi

Kitties

KHABAR DAR! HOSHIYAAR!

DON’T BE FOOLED BY THEIR INNOCENT LOOKING FACES!!!!! THESE CATS ARE A PART OF “THE GANG” . TERRORIZING ALL HUMANS THEY MEET THEY HAVE MERCY ON NONE. DON’T FALL THEIR VICIOUS TRAP. IF SIGHTED DON’T ATTEMPT TO GO NEAR THEM OR CAPTURE THEM!!!! KEEP YOUR DISTANCE AND CALL THE NEAREST EVIL-CAT-NAPPERS-AUTHORITY!

*sigh*

We had finally found someone who was to come clean our apartment thrice a week. Only he ran off the second time he came. Because he was afraid of the cats.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!??!?!

He called R (he came while we were at work) and said he can’t do it because the cats were “attacking” him.

See, when we or anyone for that matter comes home Bijli has a habit of stretching on the persons legs. Much like a dog would you know. She stretches, you pat her and off she goes. That’s probably what happened.

But the guy translated it as “Body pe attacking sir!!!”

He actually RAN for his life. I kid you not. When we reached home we found the dusting cloth OUTSIDE our apartment!!! OUTSIDE! Inside, the vacuum was out, there was a bucket in the hall that was toppled over (thank god the jerk didn’t leave water in it!!!)!!!!
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO AFRAID?!?!??! OF KITTENS?!?!?!?!?!?

I’m sure Garfield didn’t do nothing coz he’s the most quite non intrusive cat EVER. Bijli is also extremely human friendly and so are the kittens.

When we told the woman who recommended him she couldn’t stop laughing and said “Yea, he is quite a sissy. Keeps complaining and whining worse than a woman sometimes!!”

WTF?!

R was in stiches laughing.

I on the other hand and sickly worried because the lady that recommended him is the one who is supposed to come take care of them when we are in India..! What if he scared them off!?!

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Tempt Me Not

It’s SRK’s birthday today. So I though what better way to celebrate the birthday of the one man in Bollywood I love against all odds only because he made the teenager in me fall in love (hard) when I watched DDLJ than to give a honest review of his recent concert. I loved him instantly and continue to love him. I’m not one of those “true fans” who follow all the gossip, birthdays (I only know it’s his birthday coz I heard it on the radio), anniversaries, pets, children, you-get-the-idea. I just like him a whole lot and I can watch a movie merely coz he’s in it. Some of them were really terrible too :/ But I still lubber him.

So anyways, he was performing here last weekend. Maybe you heard about the tour? Temptations Reloaded 2008? Well anyways, I heard from many people that the last time the original Temptations show was awesome and most amazingly choreographed and the special effects were something, yada yada yada. So obviously I wanted to go this time. I didn’t go for too many concerts before I was married, coz I wasn’t allowed and that’s why I missed the previous Temptations show. This year I knew I had to go! SRK here I come!!!

One of R’s friends was supposed to get us free tickets so we hadn’t purchased them but then at the last minute he wasn’t able to get them. So obviously I wanted to buy them. There was no way I wasn’t going remember?!? Then I realized that we are a bit short of money this month and 500 bucks to go for the show was a bit steep considering we were trying to cut costs where ever we could so that we could manage the rent and vacation next month without too much trouble. But eventually R figured I was much too sad about not going (how I love SRK) and surprised me with tickets on the same day of the concert (which I really wasn’t expecting coz he calls SRK the “Buda” – Old Man). I was so excited!!!!

The gates opened at 3 and the concert was to start at 9. Yes a good 6 hours in between. I still don’t understand the logic behind that. So we got there about 5ish to make sure we manage to get acceptable seats at the least. The crowd was HUGE. We waited and waited and waited for 2 hours and finally after all that standing in the queue we were let inside. We finally managed to get seats and then again started a whole new wait. There were SO many kids!!! Kids below 10 entered free so obviously ever the Desi had brought all the kids they could manage to find. I think people even bought the neighbors kids. Grrrrr!

There were SO many South Indians there. In fact I seemed to be surrounded by them. Now I don’t have anything personal against them but most of them tend to annoy the CRAP out of me. I’m not racist or anything (hahaha). Really! I’m not. Okay maybe just a little bit. It’s nothing extreme though. I mean I’ve married a South Indian haven’t I!? I rest my case.

Anywhooooo right behind me was this family (South Indian of course) that had had 4 annoying amusing members; I-carry-my-coconut-fried-aloo-and-chappati-filled-tiffin-everywhere Mother, Hahahahaa-and-some-more-Hahahaha Daddy, Where-is-SRK?!-Where-is-HE? Son (He kept screaming this in his mother tongue btw), and last but definitely not the least there was I-am-a-brat-I-can-scream-and-hit-who-I-like 3 year old son.

Mostly, I’m good with kids. A few years back I would say “I love kids” but living with 8 nieces and nephews has changed my point of view considerably. But I can still tolerate them and laugh at their rubbish for quite a while. So I’m sitting there after waiting in line for ages and I’m surrounded by these specimen people. We’re sitting and sitting and these kids are screaming and the little one keeps hitting my head over and over again. The mum is eating her food and the father is laughing at what he thinks are amusing antics of his kids. Finally I get a bit weary of having my head slapped over and over and having moved as far ahead in my seat as I possibly could I very politely ask the mother to please hold her child and make him stop hitting me. I do this about 5 times and then I completely lose it when the kid elbows my head and I get into a tiff with the parents. I’m quite a ladaku maasi!!! Know what she the mother and father say then? “It’s so late and it’s past his bedtime and he’s sleepy…what do you want us to do?”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For a second I want to almost slap them both! You’ve come to a concert ferfucksake!!!!! What time did you think it’s going to get over!? 7!?!? It’s 9 now and it hasn’t even BEGUN!!! Why the hell did you bring him!!!!!!!!
I have nothing against the child really. I mean if his parents are daft it isn’t his fault. If you have little kids please doNOT take them to concerts, cinemas and other places where they will annoy the crap out of disturb others. Everyone loves kids okay, I do too. But WHY on earth should I hear your child brawl!!!! If you really want to go watch a movie or concert that bad you should make some sort of arrangement for your kids!!! Really. You should.

So anyways they finally hold him down and I have to settle with my chair being kicked repeatedly as a consolation. Not what I paid for – really. To top it off they concert was further delayed because of (hold your breath) a shortage of chairs. Can you believe that!? Eventually they had to announce that there weren’t enough seats to go around coz so many people had shown up with their kids and requested people to make their kids sit on their laps. As if!!!

Finally the concert begins at about 10:30 something and guess what – a lot of TRASH it was. It was horrendous. The stage was empty and dark between each dance number (which was nothing new and looked like a repeat of every other award show) and we had practically seen most of it coz they the “smaller” star cast was rehearsing on stage while we were waiting. Kareena Kapoor did the same dance routine that every Desi must have seen at least once coz she does it at every award show. Arjun Rampal was forgettable (despite coming on stage with a Rock On! number), Hard Kaur was on stage alone and she wasn’t singing or dancing – songs were playing and she was doing a voice over of her rap (not too well either!!) and when she did try to sing over the song she didn’t know the lyrics and messed up the whole thing. Ganesh Hegde was again forgettable, we saw them rehearsing so it was not a big deal…he even attempted to rap with Hard Kaur and messed up! Hahaha :/

Everyone (including me) cheered up when SRK made an entrance but it just went downhill again after a bit. Even he was able to captivate us only for so long. It was fun to watch SRK and scream for a while but the crowd was so stoopid that I couldn’t even enjoy that. Everyone wanted to SIT. Yes, you heard me. They wanted to SIT and watch the entire show from as way back that we were. MORONS. I didn’t care, I stood eventually coz I came to watch the show on the stage NOT on the screens!!!

SRK did some interactive pieces calling some people from the crowd. One would have been enough but he did this three times in a row and it just felt stupid. Then they started their song and dance routine again. Hard Kaur (as much as I like her) couldn’t hold the crowd together, the hostess was STOOOPID (some VJ or the other). No one cared (not even the ladies) care when Arjun Rampal went topless. That’s how sad it was.

We just left before the show got over. And we weren’t the only ones. A considerable amount of people had already left and there were even more leaving with us. I couldn’t care to wait there any longer coz it was evident nothing spectacular was going to happen. It was really disappointing, especially after that long long tiring wait. I guess after a while, it doesn’t matter to *stars* because it sells no matter what. The entire concert was an advertising campaign for the new property that SRK is launching and for the sponsors. That’s all it was. One big advertisement. That we paid to watch.

I’m never going for an SRK concert again. I will continue to be crazy about him and watch his movies. But concerts – I’ll pass that, thank you.

Christina Aguilera was performing the same night, should have gone for that.

*Hmmmm…this is a long post isn’t it? Rants are so much FUN!*

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